Haven't I Seen You Before?

It's strange to be here with you little blog...it's been so long...well not so long...but so much has happened...who will you be for me now?  Let's wait and see...

i'm open minded but you're not cool enough for me

um, yeah, i don't get this idea of being "open minded." some people are just way too proud of their "open mindedness" and how other people just aren't as "open minded" as they are.

annoying.

I'm trying to find a place to live. This is a very annoying thing because I have to go meet people I don't know and guess that we might make good roommates. I'm also tired of driving around and guessing that I might like to live in that area. Can't one of my best friends and past roommate decide to move to Colorado and live with me? That would make this whole thing much more simple. Or why can't my friend at work just decide she wants to move out now and find a place with me? I think we would live very nicely together too.

And speaking of work... yeah I only made $70 bucks today, but I had fun goofing off with coworkers. I also don't think I want to work nights just because that staff is full of assholes. I don't think I want to work with people who have such lame attitudes even if I can make twice the money. Please people. Get over yourselves.

So it all comes back to people who annoy me. A thrilling blog, eh?

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I read the blog of this chica I may move in with. She's all ranting and raving in her art-chic/writer's way and I know it wasn't all about me, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. Lots of energy and who knows where it would all go if I was living with her? I'm so mellowed out and introverted in the past year, will it work for me to live with a chica who likes screamo and hard core? Plus, I'm afraid she made some off-base assumptions about who I am, which would really dissapoint me.

You know what they say about ass u m(e) ing...

Reading, wRiting, and woRk

Early last month I found myself in the San Diego area visiting family and friends. Most of that time I laid around on the sand or next to a pool getting tan. Now THAT was amazing.

Anyways, during this vacation, I went book shopping and got three books all recommended to me by my great friend Mandieron. I bought Marley and Me, Angels and Demons, and The Secret Life of Bees. Marley and Me was my indoor reading book, for when I needed a break from the sun or was just bored at night. Angels and Demons was my mass produced paperback for outdoor reading. I figured I'd read the Secret Life of Bees whenever I finished one of the other books.

Marley and Me was sweet and I even found a few tears pricking my eyes at the end of the book (and the end of Marley's life). It's an enjoyable read for a dog lover. Sometimes I got a little annoyed with the author, but for the most part, it was a nice book to read on a vacation.

Angels and Demons kept me pretty annoyed with the author the whole time, but it was a quick, entertaining read too. If I ignored all of the things that annoyed me, it was a fun story. It even left me with a strange desire to read the Da Vinci Code.

My favorite of all three of these books was The Secret Life of Bees. I actually didn't read it until I got home from vacation, but I read it in a day. This book is something destined for high school required reading lists. I really enjoyed the author's writing style. It reminded me of the Ya Ya Sisterhood in that a great focus was on the sisterhood of women and their re-creating religion to fit into something tangible and something that they could relate to. It made me think of a class I took in undergrad called Women in Religion. In this class we often talked about the fundamental patriarchy of many religions and how women throughout history and cultures have learned to take aspects of religion and shape them into something more inclusive; something that uplifted the feminine. The two books I read for that class were the Ya Yas and Beloved. I think that the Secret Life of Bees reminds me even more so of Beloved because the characters also use their religion as a way to break free from the oppression of slavery and racism.

So while the first two books I read were entertaining, I will only think of them as vacation books. However, when it comes to the Secret Life of Bees, I am very happy I read it. It made an impact on my life and recommend it to everybody.

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I have been thinking about my time off from school and internship. How can I make this time as valuable as possible? One thing I've realized is that I can learn many lessons for my future life as a minister during my time as a waitress. Both professions are focused on service. It has been a good practice for me to consider this word, "service." I do not think one can truly serve, in any aspect of their life, no matter how they are serving another person or the world, without also serving God. What is the greatest commandment? To love God above all else and love your neighbor as yourself. This commandment is the greatest. It's a cycle. As we love God, and live out that love, we respond out of love to our neighbors and ourselves! As we love our neighbors and ourselves, we love the God who brought us together, created us, and is with us always.

This is what "church" is all about. A body of people gathered together, learning what and how it is to truly love God, our neighbor(s next door to us and throughout the world!), and ourselves.

Call and Response

A few weeks ago I saw my spiritual director. She recommended that I read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. I knew, in the way and moment that she recommended it that it would be a book I would not only love, but also really appreciate especially at this time in my life. I have only read the introduction. You know, the first part of the book where the author gives a little more background or personal information about the book you're going to read. I have only read the introduction and already tears are springing to my eyes. I know that this book will truly be a journey for me. Already I am reminded of why I love life...Journeys within Journeys, threads within threads, all twisting and mingling, weaving together to create a rich tapestry.

What is personal calling? It is God's blessing, it is the path that God chose for you here on Earth. Whenever we do something that fills us with enthusiasm, we are following our legend.

...We who fight for our dream suffer far more when it doesn't work out, because we cannot fall back on the old excuse: "Oh, well, I didn't really want it anyway." We do want it and know that we have staked everything on it and that the path of the personal calling is no easier than any other path, except that our whole heart is in this journey.

...If you believe yourself worthy of the thing you fought so hard to get, then you become an instrument of God, you help the Soul of the World, and you understand why you are here.

-Paulo Coelho

I have today and tomorrow off from work. I'm looking forward to enjoying this gorgeous weather, taking Lola on long walks, and reading this book.

Thank you for your support, prayers, love, thoughts, emails, joy, smiles, and memories. I have not given up this calling. I'm just taking a short sabbatical. And by sabbatical, I mean I will continue my search, my education. I will continue speaking, whispering, hoping...and maybe even my screaming at God as I continue to figure this whole "calling" thing out.

i need to sing

I'm sitting at home alone and so bored. I hate those days when you're just low and can't get over it. It's kind of been hanging over me all day.

Anyway, I am dying to be in a band. I need to sing so badly. I miss it. I miss the creativity. I wish I had some freaking friends around here that could start a band with me. I would love it. Or, if I wasn't singing, I could at least listen to my friends play and write music and maybe even give a little imput.

I have feeling all down on myself right now. I don't have much confidence in myself right now either. I hate this. Sometimes I just get tired of my life. I wouldn't want to be anyone else, but it seems like whenever I think things are working out for me (at least lately anyway) there drops the bomb and there I am left to pick up the pieces again.

I don't want to cry again today.

Lockets

I was looking through my newest ELLE magazine and was struck with a page that had a collage of lockets. All of a sudden I realized I have always loved lockets! I love all kinds of lockets. I love poison rings, pocket watches...all of the variations of lockets. Not only are there many unique styles, I love that it seems like you are opening a little presant every time. I especially love the antique lockets, but I just love anything unique and ornate.



When I was young my mom gave me an envelope locket that looked like this... I always loved the idea of opening it and out came a little letter that said "I love you."

When I graduated from high school I was given a gold heart locket with my initials on it.

So far I only have two lockets, but I would love to collect more. So here's the deal...if anyone wants to buy me something unique or special if they're traveling or if it's my birthday or a holiday, find a unique locket for me! There are so many styles and sizes. I love the idea of having an entire collection of lockets to wear or put on display throughout my room. OF course, since it was Elle magazine that made me think of this, lockets are in fashion! but that's okay with me. I subscribed to Elle, so obviously I'm not so anti-fashion!

My boyfriend Drew actually thinks I should be a fashion designer, but I need to learn that whole sewing thing and have money to buy the fabrics and things so... It'll remain in my dreams for now. Funny thing, I've always had a pull to the arts and design so, maybe some day I'll have a way to do it all!

let it snow...

Isn't she just too cute?

So, yeah, it snowed again. Yesterday was a lovely sunny day until about noon and then WOOSH! the cold front started moving in. It started snowing around 6 or 7pm. Now our ground is covered with lovely snow. Lola LOVES it! She's running around, sticking her nose in the snow, eating it, digging in it, running and running and running... She sees footprints and starts sniffing out their trail...where are they going? where did they go? All I know is, if I ever somehow get covered in snow and no one could find me, Lola would be able to sniff me out. She's sure got a sniffer on her. ANyways, here are some very lovely Lola pics I thought I'd share. She is just way too cute...even though she drives me crazy too. Oh well. What makes Lola so cute right now is how just one minute ago, when we were outside, she was running around and getting all crazy. But now that we're inside, she's laying down and about to fall asleep on the chair next to me. She's such a cute puppers...

Let's play!
What?
The end.